Emme’s gems #42

How did I get here?

—Thoughts of a 55-year-old woman—

Can this be my new beginning?

Our aging body, which, if we could, we would exchange into a new one – a different one this time please, one that does not deteriorate in this fashion.

It seems like every day we wake up, no matter our efforts, somehow there is this nagging feeling that everything is still the same like yesterday -in the best scenario- and a little bit worse than yesterday – in the not best scenario. The joints feel stiffer and stiffer, moving around feels increasingly different than even 5 or 10 years ago. Where did my strength go? What happened? And that aching back – will it ever stop hurting again? And those throbbing feet are killing me, and that big toe: why in heavens name does it deform more and more. How shall I wear those cute pointed shoes with this toe?

Seeing ourselves in the mirror is not so much fun anymore either. The skin is sagging, and our posture speaks louder than any words ever could.

I know I know…I should go to the gym more often. Like that trainer on Instagram, oh I love her: ALWAYS laughing, always working out, she is making all the right choices. I want to be like her. Look at her, why can’t I do that? Oh no even better: I need to go to yoga class…it always makes me feel good, right? But then somehow still nothing changes and really the back is acting up even more after class, but I can’t tell anyone. It’s my own fault, yoga is so good for everyone. I just need to stretch a little harder…like Tina on her mat right next to me. Why can’t I do what she can do? Maybe then I wouldn’t have to take 2 Ibuprofen every time I play Tennis with the girls. Oh I need to get myself together.

But I am busy today, how shall I make it to yoga class? If anybody would know how long my to-do-list is…I already feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. I wish I had a different life…

This is an example of what is going on in millions and millions of 40+/50+/60+ year old women and men, every day. We all know these thoughts and the quiet desperation that leads us to chase the next program, diet, retreat, fitness fad and yoga class, plastic surgery and tons of make-up and new clothes. Until we wake up one day and realize: all of that is NOT getting me anywhere and the only way to get out of this ‘hamster wheel’ is to take personal responsibility, reflect about how I got here…and be brave enough to take a new path…a path we have not traveled before…a path that is NOT lined with bright shiny objects and illusionary promises, a path that doesn’t look glamorous by first sight…it almost seems a little empty…but there is this tiny voice within you that says: GO ON, and somehow you KNOW…

This is the BEGINNING, small baby steps in a new direction.